Rainy Day.

Alone at home for the whole day. Been listening to 没有你的每一天 by 徐婕儿 which is the chinese version of Because I'm A Girl by Kiss. Listen to it for the whole day. Although it should be a song from a girl's point of view, but I still find it meaningful to me. Because I'm living without her by my side now. Just like the title of the song. 没有你的每一天, everyday without her. I don't know, whether she will read all these entries i wrote. But one thing that's for sure is of cause I hope she will read all the entrys and feel something. If possible, I would make an entry everyday. Hoping that she can understand how much she means to me and how much I want her by my side. Today is Mother's Day. Wish my mother and her mother a Happy Mothers' Day. Hope she gets my massage.

Been feeling very lousy everyday, because of her. Everyday seem meaningless without her. Every night I would dream of her. Its so heart breaking when you wake up realising that everything is just a dream and she won't be here by my side. Been thinking and thinking a lot everyday. Really hope that she will feel everything that I do for her. Its all or nothing for me now. I came across this sentence the other day and I find it meaningful. "If you want a rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain". Why meaningful? Because I mentioned to her the other day. I believe we will see rainbow after all these rain is over. I mean everything that I have said to her. Its not just because I want her to give me a chance then say all these. Its never this way. What I want her to know is that my love for her is REAL. Is true is sincere.

I watched a couple of videos on youtube today. Because I'm A Girl by Kiss, 没有你的每一天 by 徐婕儿 and If You Were Mine by Ju something something one. A Korean singer. All three videos fill my eyes with tears. I sent her the videos. I don't now if she received it and seen it and felt anything. If You Were Mine is based on a true story during the September 11 attack. In the end the guy in the video went missing as he was a firefighter and when into the WTC to save the lifes of others. In the end, tragedy happened. sigh.. All these stories are just so sad. The person I think of when I watch all these videos and listen to all those sappy songs is her. Only her.

I quitted my job le. Supposed to be able to work with her every Thursdays and Saturday. But now, she wanted time. So I don't have a choice but to resign. I don't wish to do that but I don't have a choice. I still want to work together with her. When I still have a chance now. Because If we still together in the future, we won't be able to work together like now. Just like schooling. Last time secondary same school. Now no chance le. Then now can work together. But its seems like no chance le also.. sigh.. I just hope that all other things still got chance.

Still got many things to say, but I don't want later today say so much then tomorrow or the the following days nothing to say.

Lastly, I want to tell my darling de..

Darling.. these few days, its really hard on me. I don't know how much I going to survive this coming 3 weeks. What more is that after 3 weeks, I may get my love back or I will end up in loneliness. Of course I want my baby by my side. Baby, if you're looking at this. Please give me a chance. I will be good. I will be a good hubby. Just for you. I know I haven't been a very good one since then. I promise. I swear to god. Down on my bended knees. That I would love you the best I can. Give you all you want all you need. How I wish you would suddenly out of nowhere now sms me. Telling me that you're willing to give both of us a chance to work everything out again. I love you darling... I miss you..

Our fairy tale does not just ends here..

19 days more..