†
Rest In Peace
My Beloved Ah Ma
Tan Ah Poo
25th September 2008


Today... It's the last day of my grandma's wake. So I've applied for leave last friday to attend it. I wanted to wait till 1130 when lesson end then go, cause friday my law exam already. But instead my OC 10+ ask me to go now, so as not to waste my leave, can go just go... So I took my stuff went back to barrack and bathed then slowly train down to YCK..

Reach there took my lunch. Then was very tired.. All the way until 2pm. Before we pay our last respect and spend some time with our ah ma, for the very last time. As cause my grandparents baptise few years back, my uncle would say some christian stuff.. Hear already heart very sour. I was trying very hard not to cry, keep forcing it back, but in the end few drop still dropped down. Then my ah ma is being transported to Mandai crematorium there. Before the priest say some stuff, sing a few song for my ah ma. The songs were very saddening. Hear already sure heart sink. I was very sad at that time..

Nevertheless, the place is quite nice, air conditioned and stuff... While my ah ma is scheduled to be cremated at 3:45pm... At 3:35pm we all gathered at the viewing gallery... Then one of the church uncle whom is the singer for the day, also followed us in and sang ah ma like de song, while my ah ma's coffin slowly travel on the travelator, slow approach the cremate machine before it slowly open up the barrel, and slowly the coffin is inside the machine and door closed.. My ah ma's gone... Forever. But I know, she'll never be gone in my heart..

I can't forget the few seconds, in which my ah ma slowly approach the machine. The picture is just keep repeating in my mind, in my heart, just like a broken recorder.. While many many thoughts arosed from deep within my heart. I miss my ah ma.. And I did cried, but as a man, I know I shouldn't be crying like a small boy, that's how I tried as hard to force all my tears back inside..

After all these.. It's only foolishness I felt in myself. The past and everything.. And I miss every moment in the past.. The times when I'm still a small boy.. At the same time, I miss my ah ma deeply.. The times when she took good care of us, always showed care and concern... It's only until now, I've realised the meaning of life and death..

Sorry ah ma, for my unfillialness, when I wasn't there to even visit you when you're sick and is in the hospital.. I regret deeply as I couldn't even see you one last time before you left.. I'm sorry..

And now it's only left with my ah gong.. See him very poor thing.. Like can imagine the feeling, everytime he enters his house, thinking that ah ma is already gone and it's only him alone.. The emptiness, the sadness... Hais..

And everything ended around 4pm and my bro-in-law send me back to camp from there. While the remaining night, is just a slow and heart breaking one....

The past can't be retraced, while the future can be cherished..