◦ abςolutely ςtill..

2010-01-23T13:00:00.009+08:00

Closed ! :D

2009-12-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

Lonely no more..

2009-11-30T12:24:00.017+08:00

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall...

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall..

".without a trace."

2009-11-23T13:30:00.004+08:00

White walls surround us, no light will touch your face again..
Rain taps the window, as we sleep among the dead.
Days go on forever, but i have not left your side..

We can chase the dark together, if you go then so will I..
There is nothing left of you, I can see it in your eyes..
I keep holding onto you, but i can't bring you back to life..

Sing the anthem of the angels, then say the last goodbye... ッ

".first time."

2009-11-20T23:10:00.004+08:00

Its a reminiscence.
I dump it all behind, and swing it all back up.

Thinking back in time, someone said love is blind.
But they were wrong, I just chose not to see.
When it's right before your eyes, you'd rather compromise and give it all..

Then it don't turn out, the way it's supposed to be..
And it's hard to conceive..
When you see the forest, despite the cherry tree.
Now it's all burnt down.

And it's all calm..

".scums."

2009-11-11T16:52:00.003+08:00

Rich people are scums of the society. If you think you are rich and can throw your weight around, think again. If so, go hire a private doctor and get a medical cert, thereafter hire your own lawyer and sue the other partner. Rather than thinking "Oh! I know blah blah blah.." or "I'm the manger/ceo/toilet cleaner of XX company". Yall better handle it right, or else I'll take your name and complain to blah blah blah. Like I give a damn. It's not like someone killed someone or whatsoever. I did my part, and left out what's not under my purview. My job's done. So just fuck off. Scums..

Life's never been better. Work is shit. Shit's work. Although there's many stuff at work makes me realise and appreciate some things more, it doesn't make my life any easier. Every book tells a different story huh? Mine's an unwanted and infamous book.

".if you're gone."

2009-11-04T02:26:00.006+08:00

Everyone's got their different story in life, being the good, being the bad. You know what happened, when this happens.. Where's the smile that I used to have?
It's gone....

".salvation."

2009-10-30T21:01:00.001+08:00

A trip to the salvation army,
Its like going to a pub with hundreds different mixture of cocktails.
Heart fulfilling.

2009-10-29T11:27:00.003+08:00

the sun's got a different approach for everyone.
it being bright, it being covered by the fearless dark clouds.
we share the same sun,
yet we don't share the common fate in life.

".illusion."

2009-10-26T22:14:00.005+08:00

Halfway down the sky.
With a hundred million stars.
Everything is still..
With the illusion of progress.

2009-10-20T00:04:00.010+08:00

".could never be mine."

God doesn't put a smile upon my face.
You does..
Nothing but "buts"...
Nothing but "ifs'...
Nothing I could do but hope and pray...

Now tell me how it's gonna be done..

".flawed."

2009-10-17T01:00:00.004+08:00

A greenery where flower blooms.
Turned into an isolated desert without a sign.
I can't seem to find the blue sky above me.
A total darkness without a trace.
I'm abandoned & locked.

If the long and windy night doesn't consist of darkness,
Why would there be a moon?
If a story doesn't have ups and downs,
Where would there be audience?
With only the shadow that's perfect,
Will I ever find myself?

A flawed beauty..

".wiseman."

2009-10-13T12:36:00.004+08:00

When a foreign wiseman spills a thousand beans.
It strucks your mind thinking, "is he god?".
More often than not, there're just another lesson you've got to learn.
Just a pinch of salt for me.
Nothing could change the way I am..

I've been struggling for a while.
Not sure whether should I go for it.
In this case, it's 2B license I'm talking about.
Parents stopped me for taking Class 3.
As they say I'll be given free, why waste the money?
Then what about 2B? My head will roll?

".harsh."

2009-10-10T10:34:00.007+08:00

The management is good, but not the people.
All kinds of people in this world.
I don't think I'm in a position to judge them.
Only to feel how I feel about them.

I hate to be pressurised.
I hate to be constantly being reminded.
I'm upset enough. I don't need more to add on to it.
Give me the space that I need, before I break.

Sometimes I could only look with envious.
Sometimes I wish things are reversible.
But most of the time, the cruelty of life, you've just gotta face it..
God's saying, just too bad...

".hmm."

2009-10-07T12:02:00.003+08:00

Hari Raya house visit yesterday.
Was actually quite reluctant to go, since it's after our night shift.
Two hours of sleep, and off we go.
Nothing to do actually, just sit around and talk among ourselves.
But I like the tradition clothes they wear.

Was wondering if I have a chance to wear it.
But definitely people will deem me as a malay.
Since so many people say I have a melayu look.
Most of the time spent on food.
I'm so bloated and needed some exercise more than anything.

Sadly, I'm down with a terrible flu.
Nose should drop anytime if this persist.
And will be working at CGH tomorrow.
Gosh, gotta wear the mask for 12 hours.
Hopefully it does help to hold my nose from dropping out.

Everyone's got a share of their own dirty little secret..

".the ugly truth."

2009-10-02T00:42:00.005+08:00

It's annoying. Cause I couldn't stop laughing.
Watched it with yuping and cecelia.
Been so long since I watched a comedy show.
Enjoyed it ! Slack a little at mac thereafter.
And for all I know, we're three assholes..
I won't be surprised if our mouth were to rot one day.
Awwww... But that's the ugly truth.. : D

".thoughts."

2009-09-30T23:20:00.006+08:00

Reader's Digest does the work !
Time flew past as how it should.
Dreams got me capped.

Right or wrong, I don't know..
I don't wish to know it either..
Where's the alternative that I'm wishing for?
Give me a sign..
What's gonna keep me alive?
I took the first step.
The second never came..

Withdrawal symptoms, he's here to stay...

".dear agony."

2009-09-30T19:39:00.003+08:00

I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end.
Disappear into the dirt, carry me to heaven's arms.
Light the way and let me go..
Take the time to take my breath, I will end where I began..

Suddenly the lights go out.
Let forever drag me down..
Leave me alone, I'm blue and cold.
Black sky will burn, love pull me down, hate lift me up..
Just turn around, there's nothing left..

Dear agony..
Let go of me, suffering slowly..
Is this the way it's got to be?
Telling myself..
I must fight for one last breath,
I must fight until the end. .

Dear agony..
Let go of me..
Please, let go of me..

".dreams."

2009-09-29T12:17:00.001+08:00

Water rushing in.
Heart's trembling for survival.
Everyone's fleeing for their lives.
It's armageddon.

".F1."

2009-09-28T10:39:00.005+08:00

Finally, the F1 is over. A sigh of relieve. I was wrong. Its an utter disappointment for me. Because I don't get to stay at home and watch the damn race. For 3 days, I have to curry a bag filled with equipments and camera weighing 10 over kg and one camcorder in hand. The first day was tiring as we have to walk basically everywhere around our sector. But at least we get to see some actions. Second and last day was basically standing at one spot to watch the time past. It's pathetic that you only get to hear the sound but not see anything.

And carrying the damn bag only make sweat pour all over me. I'm okay with that, but I'm not okay with pimples ! No amount of cursing and swearing can cure that. I really hope I don't get involved for it next year. Cause I will pay to sit at the grandstand and watch the race. Hahas. Just kidding. But well, not into it anymore unlike sec sch days. So maybe I should just get some beer and watch at home instead. STILL, it's better than having to do all these sai kang.. Okok, maybe I should say at least I get to see the grid girls walking pass me? *laughs*

But I'm lucky enough to have the event ended on my both off. I should really just stay at home to recuperate. Hmmm..

".cooked."

2009-09-24T01:30:00.010+08:00

In regards to 22/09/2009. One valuable lesson I've learned. Is never to organise a drinking session on your birthday. Hahahas. Some of the pictures we took that night. All cooked images. It was fun, but I didn't really enjoyed myself since I have to work after drinking. The restriction is there, but I managed to go to work and went sleepless for 36 hours. Luckily counter was not busy, kept myself engaged to not feel the drowsiness.

Seldom have chance to hang out with these idiots ever since I left for regular. Hopefully we meet up to drink again soon.

".marathon."

2009-09-22T04:36:00.004+08:00

It's like what? 0430am now, and I just managed to reach home. Frankly speaking, I'm not supposed to be feeling like this. What to do, my friend birthday and everyone's pestering me to go. Gave up my sleep and went to drink with them. Think now is not the time to blog. Because I have to leave for work in 2 hours time. No sleep at all ! Doing counter today. Hopefully nobody come and make any reports. God bless me.

".time piece."

2009-09-16T21:50:00.011+08:00

Had always wanted to get my personal "inexpensive" time piece. Made up my mind and decided to go ahead with it. Took a stroll at Tampines after dinner with my parents. Practically browsed all the watch shop in all the 3 malls. Nothing at all caught my attention. I would say I'm a rather fussy person when it comes to getting something that does not cost an average. The only thing that caught my attention was the donuts at J.Co. Disappointment arised. Decided to head back to whitesands. My last 2 shops of the day. The last was City Chain.

Actual retail price is $359. After discount will be $250. My heart's aching. And it's just 4 days after pay day. Gosh, wonder how am I going to survive this month. Had planned to get a LV monogram wallet by christmas. Looks like I've to postpone my plans. I don't know for others, but for a peasant like me, hmm.. It's time to go for a diet.

But I'm pleased with what I've got. I'm not someone who goes for the extreme, the high ends. I would choose on something which really caught my heart. Rather than going for a name which perhaps for showing people that you're well to do, but in actual fact, you're not.

My first time piece. If I'm able to, I'll get the other two, black background and white for the latter.

".carry?."

2009-09-14T23:41:00.004+08:00

I just can't please everyone. Even though you went the extra mile and did something "extra". You don't get the appreciation that you should deserve. Instead people just classify you under the category of a "smart alec". I should just do my part and fuck it.

I can't take no more and it's killing me. I do anything for sanity..

".distant."

2009-09-13T02:27:00.011+08:00

It won't work, if I don't try.
But everything's so far away.
It's when I've given up dreaming..
It went straight through my life once again..
With simple words... Which doesn't simply meant..
A song for us, it's the last thing on my mind.
As somebody else, will take the best of me.

".wariness."

2009-09-11T11:40:00.006+08:00

For a moment, feel as though I'll be dragging my feet to work later. I don't know what's wrong, perhaps I just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Am I in the wrong? Am I at fault? Or I'm just pure utterly not in the best of my luck. I don't know.

The effort of making things to the best often ends up with loops and holes cause by the carelessness of my wariness. Perhaps I should just do a slip short work without flaws, rather than trying to get a 100% with only 30 done.

".blood ties."

2009-09-06T23:14:00.007+08:00

It's a normal busy day at CGH. As usual, things are smooth and slow at the start. It's when crowd starts to come in, things get out of hand. As I was sitting at my post, a familiar sight struck my attention. As I looked closely, it's my brother that I saw. It's a very weird feeling. A feeling of seeing a stranger that you've known for as long as you've live. But what's he doing at my sector? But that's not my point. I begun to wonder..

Why....?

Some people have what others doesn't. Yet they don't appreciate what they have while the latter is dying for what they are not given.

Of a sudden, I really felt regretful. Putting so much effort into something that ruined my entire life. If I had a choice, I would rather not work in the government sector. My dreams are just not met.

".process."

2009-09-04T19:55:00.002+08:00

An empty room can be so deafen,
The silence makes you wanna scream,
It drives you crazy.
I chased away the shadows of your name,
And burn the picture in a frame,
But it couldn't save me..

Sometimes you hold so tight,
It just slips right through your hands..
Will I ever understand?

".tidal."

2009-09-02T23:34:00.001+08:00

The slightest bit of sound creates the never ending tidal waves in my heart.

2009-08-31T20:17:00.003+08:00

I'm just 20. But my life doesn't reflect the numbers.

Sometimes it's amazing how protective animals are. Protecting its children at all cost with just one look at its predators. Perhaps they have a pair of special eyes which can see what's written on the forehead of its predator. But it gets frustrating when people just rule you out by the looks of you. Tell me what does the look of a person tells?

It's funny when you ask yourself, why are there so many strangers around you? What are they doing here? Or why are you even in this mosh pit? Strangers just comes and go. They don't inflict any cause in your life unless you put your focus on something that attracts you. So why are they even present? I don't know how I should put it. But life's just too hard to understand.

How I wish it happened different. Haa. Dream on..

".save.my.day."

2009-08-27T16:29:00.004+08:00

I'll just have to say,
it's just not my day..

".240809."

2009-08-24T19:42:00.011+08:00

It's been a while, since I feel so good..

Long day. I supposed to wake up at 640am. But for some strange reason my hp and mp3 alarm did not managed to wake me up. It's 740am by the time I woke up. And I'm supposed to reach Tampines MRT at 745am for my colleague to pick me. End up my colleague had to fetch me from my house. Feel so bad about it. Initially, I felt so lathargic for my off day to be burnt by IPPT. Went there, ran.. And I FAILED. My 4 stations were okay, but my 2.4km. I just gave up on the third round. Too long never exercise. Felt like a pig..

But exercising really can somehow relive a person's stress. For the past week, I've been going under a whole lot of stress. Work's just too hectic. And it seems like I might get a depression anytime. Which also resulted in a major outbreak. Which make me just wanna cope at home and do nothing and talk to no one. Don't think anyone would realised that I've been hiding somewhere for a while. And strange thing is the pimples only grow on one side of my face. For that I went to see my doctor to replenish my pills. Another unwanted expenses.

Thereafter I went to find my buddy at courts, and that's when bryan called me up to chill out. Met him and we headed to EHub to eat and slack at coffee bean. After that we had 2 games of bowling. Ya, just the two of us. But still, it's quite fun lah. Doesn't have to mobilise a whole lot of people to come out and make decision hard to make. The bowling game were fun. Talked cock, chit chat. Before heading home. But at least my off day was done with laughter.

My mood felt so much better... But I don't know what will happen at work tomorrow.

".indaclub."

2009-08-16T21:23:00.012+08:00

I'm, ecstatic..
I feel, the magic..

What a night.
I can't believe I actually stayed and took the train home alone.
It was fun, somehow the withdrawal symptoms isn't there.
But the hangover symptom was never absent.
Although not as serious as the previous occurance.
The side effect of vomiting is still unbearable.
But these are the nights. I'm loving and hating it.

".burnt."

2009-08-14T17:50:00.005+08:00

".faith."

2009-08-06T12:34:00.004+08:00

Can he explain....?

".rand."

2009-08-04T16:55:00.017+08:00

I've got back my Pink IC ! :]
And.. I have a sudden crave for Oreos. Grrr. I'm lazy.

".battlefield."

2009-08-01T22:20:00.007+08:00

It's a warzone.
With bullets flying everywhere.
You fight for honor.
You fight to survive..

You pray to god that you'll be fine.
But tomorrow's never definite.
You do it for others.
Others left you for the end.

The worst to come.
Seeing dead bodies along the way.
And you stand alone.

".missin'..."

2009-07-31T11:08:00.015+08:00

Coincidence do happen. Supposed to catch a movie with Wei Sing, of nowhere saw Bryan at Somerset waiting for our usual friends for a movie. One thing is, they never call me. What the fuck, go regular then forget me. Oh man! But we went to watch Public Enemy together. Its some real boring show. Focusing on the plot brings the action down. Went for dinner, then headed home.

standing still at the traffic light, with crowd flowing seamlessly around.
brings a rush of thoughts through the back of your head.

".illusion."

2009-07-29T11:49:00.003+08:00

It felt so heavy, listening to your own breathing.

With the noise cancellation of your surroundings.

All you felt was the weight and the whirling sound of the wind.

Look around, close your eyes..

Nothing was left..

".one."

2009-07-27T22:38:00.005+08:00

Which one ?

".tsk."

2009-07-26T20:05:00.003+08:00

It seems like I always get all the shitty stuff..
15 hours of work the day before.
And I supposed to work from 6pm to 6am yesterday to today.
But somehow because of some last minute ops, I have to stay till 8am.
And I'm down with a shitty flu..
First it's my dad, then my bro. Now it's me...

Wouldn't be surprised if I were to get H1N1.
Since I need to frequent CGH so much due to work.
Meeeeh...

".2wo."

2009-07-24T23:42:00.014+08:00

The fact that he's getting bigger which means I'm getting older.. Went to the Airport yesterday to celebrate Ashton's birthday. Main course at T3 Earle Swensen's and dessert at T1 Swensen's. But today is the actual day. He's just so cute, that I wanna have one. O.O But I'm still young. Alright, I know what you LADIES are thinking. Please keep that. At the same time, I actually witnessed something really really heartbreaking while at work a week ago. But I don't think it's nice to share..

In short, wish my this little naughty nephew grow up big and healthy !
What a weird one.. But if you were to picture what I saw, you'll feel me.

".P3."

2009-07-23T00:05:00.008+08:00

After much consideration, I finally made up my mind. And here it is... Just took 3 days before it arrvies at my doorstep. I'm actually quite pleased with the purchase, much classy than I expected. Luckily, I never bought the Sony X1000 ($529). Apart from that, also bought a new set of earpiece at creative the other day. Damage for the MP3 + shipping is $380, and the earpiece is $45. And the price for all? A month of eating grass.

But well, at least I made an effort to find a better hole. I mean lobang. The 8GB version in Singapore cost $339. And mine's a 16GB. See the difference!

".crap."

2009-07-22T13:55:00.007+08:00

When's the last time? I think it's been 5, 6 years since I go to the market with my mother. Yesterday morning, since I'm free and she asked for help. At least I'm good enough already ya! If wanna compare, when did my brother ever did that for his entire 26 years? Not even once. Any reward for me? Meeeeh.. But I'm not so bad uh, I help because she's my mother. Not for anything else.

As for now, I'm just a dead man walking. Work last night was real, real bad.. Crappy case, crappy partner, crappy vehicle. It's to the extend of having your head numb. I mean, really numb.. You don't feel any other thing.. Just felt like dying.. As a new man, there's still many things to get hooked on, but with the constant pressure given around, you just wanna say fuck. You don't learn to walk in a few days. I ain't a genius. And old people are really, I would say long winded. They can repeat the same thing for #*&@)#&! times and still with the enthusiasm of majiam it's the first time they're saying it. AND, they get stressed up and agitated easily. Chill man.! One last thing, why the fuck do I have a car that stalls and having to push to jump start. My partner is a 50+ old man, and me, a young chap. Who does the pushing? Laughs.. Luckily its 4 in the morning. Or else I should really keep a look out in STOMP.

2009-07-18T23:32:00.003+08:00

I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to collect my thoughts
All I think about is you
And so I cry myself to sleep
And hope the devil I don't meet
In the dreams that I lived through..

".remains."

2009-07-16T22:13:00.007+08:00

One word for myself, LEECH !

Had a minor road accident earlier at work.
But thank god, I'm still physically in one piece.
But I'm not so sure mentally. Hahas.

Peoples say I not bad looking.
People even say my voice makes me attractive.
I can only say with a smirk on my face,
It doesn't make a different when fate isn't on your side.

It's sour, it's bitter..
Red eyes is what I'm having..
Without a doubt, it's all within me.

"doesn't matter.."
Are the words i left at the tip of my lips.

"the more we change, the more we're all the same.."
Its the replication of my life.

I've nothing left.
Take it all away..
I'll still be the same.

".supernatural."

2009-07-14T17:44:00.004+08:00

Night shift can never get more interesting.
With a vast piece of land for adventures.
Hot spots that you don't even know of its existence.
Midnight scouting at OCH.
Spot checks at Changi Beach.
Spooky encounter that leaves you lingers deeper.
It's tiring yet fruitful.

".expects."

2009-07-12T22:06:00.006+08:00

I don't know. But I think my mother's having too high an expectation of me. Not putting it as I'm unfilial. But this is how it goes, if it's something within my ability, definitely I don't mind whatever you want it to be. But that's not the case. You can't be comparing me with my brother when he's holding a higher status than me. Can't expect me to be doing the same way he does. That's completely out of the way.

Frustrations and stress. Definitely this isn't the only reason that I'm feeling so upset. Lips shut. I tell no one.

".where.the.story.ends."

2009-07-11T17:19:00.014+08:00

还是夜夜夢見你我們並肩看无声電影
戏院好冷想靠緊你却走进螢幕变成背影

two years..

".unforeseen."

2009-07-10T23:35:00.006+08:00

Butterflies of my stomach.

With tension stretching in my brains.

Causing combustions of my blood vessels..

First day of work.!
Looking good, everything's fine.
Just needed more time to get used to.
Tonnes of new things to learn, new people to know.
Expect white hair to be growing now and then.
Different status comes different responsiblity.
Everything's gonna come down fast !

Cases one after another.
Always expect the unexpected.
Entire night of lectures, talks and intros.
The syndrome of indigestion.
Spot checks at Changi Village.
Observations that leads to surprises.
You know what I mean ! :D

Sleepless for 20 hours..
Spare me for now...

".one."

2009-07-08T23:24:00.006+08:00

One year ago today, is the day I started my PNS life.
It all begun at Tra.Com..
Went into Spec.Ops.Command after 4mths.
Did 8 months in Pol.MRT.Unit.
And one year later from then, I'm no longer an PNSman.
Taking a step further by entering the "working" society before ORD.
In the process, there's lots of people known, be it good, be it bad..
Been through a whole lot of shit, be it siong, be it nothing.
But now, I guess what's most important to me, is myself.

A simple snap, brings the disastrous thoughts.
With deep reminiscence, left the everlasting tears.

".belated."

2009-07-07T23:11:00.022+08:00

It's not about the camera, it's the photographer..

What a day, what a day..!

As planned, 1330 at Dhoby Ghaut. I left home at 1245 to head down to Kovan. Waited for 5 minutes and the bus came. And I board the bus only to realise that I left my handphone at home. It's like, what the fuck? The bus goes straight up to TPE after my stop. Which left me only to be able to alight at Hougang. Deng ! Took the bus back and take my phone before cabbing down Kovan again. Like, I travelled throught the TPE for 3 times in an hour. And it's already 1345 when I reached Kovan. My bad...

Met up with Bryan at Kovan. Then Wen Wei and Chuan Shing at Dhoby. Cause of my late arrival, we just had a simple lunch and went to play pool. Zhi Wei, Teck Meng, Shi Xiang, Dunovan came and follow suit. With much hassle, things starts to cock up, and that's when heat starts to boil.. It's not a matter of two, three. It's a troublesome eight. That's what I hate when people starts to come out with different opinions and ends up with no decision made. Each doing their own things. Really pissed for the evening. Subsequently, went Bugis and had steamboat. I guess I had never left my seat once to take any food. And just when I really need to stop eating unhealthy food, I'm left without a choice again.

Cab home after the dinner.. And my wallet's having a real big hole for this month. Think it's time to eat more grass for July, until August 12nd. Grrrr... Oh yes, although I never really had the most of today, but at least they make an effort to gather for a so called "birthday celebration" for me ya. But still, wanna thanks the seven mangkok as follows. (Bryan, Chuang Shing, Wen Wei, Zhi Wei, Teck Meng, Shi Xiang, Teck Meng.) One love bros !

So long.....

".rot."

2009-07-06T21:38:00.005+08:00

Today's work was SHIT !
12 hours of sitting inside a room basically doing nothing and watch tv.
CRAP !

Ahhhhh. Fuck...
And I've been posted to Changi NPC.
Was hoping so much to go back Tampines..
Well..

".feast."

2009-07-05T21:35:00.010+08:00

Have been feeling damn lethargic for forever it seems.
Maybe it's due to the constant stress that I'm getting..
It's like as though you're just starting to learn to walk.
With the fear of taking the first step that might result in you tripping.

Met Wei Sing yesterday and heading down to the Airport.
Something cock up and ends up we're there just to eat.
Had mac for supper, a treat from him for my birthday (LOL, MAC!?).
And as for today, I met jun wei, melvin, wei zong and lin feng..
For lunch at FISH. Located at Tampines1.
It's actually my first time going T1. (WHAT?)
Oh well.. Spent $140 in total for the meal. But it's a treat from them..
So a big thank you to all out them..
Eat eat eat, think I'm getting fat..!

".menopause."

2009-07-04T10:22:00.007+08:00

I'm having menopause! So you know what I mean. Dogs bite, human does too..

".2wenty."

2009-07-03T00:00:00.015+08:00

0207 hours. 3rd July, 1989..
I was borned ! I came into this world trying to be the best I could,
however, the journey into life is never a smooth one.

And 2 decades from then, here I am, writing a crappy birthday post for myself, and perhaps no one would even be bothered reading it. But well, Happy Birthday to myself ! Years has gone by, I can only conclude that making this special day a special day was never something in my "to do list". But still, a wish that I would like to make.. Without the cakes and candles.. A simple wish to be happy.. I believe things aren't really that smooth for my recent years. Be it myself, family, love, or whatsoever.

As I slowly step into different stages of my life, like mars and venus. I believe it's the ending, and the beginning. Beginning of all things to end, the end of all things to begin. As of today. My age no longer starts with ONE. It's TWENTY (TWO-when-tee). And it should be categorized as "prologue" which can be found under the content page. I don't know how this chapter will ends up, we'll just have to wait and see.

But guess what, something that's a little different this time round. Because, I'm working on my birthday! How nice, 8pm to 8am.. But well, everyday's a special day! Why make only this day special when everyday can be special with unexpected things popping up in your life? Right, I'm just being a little fanatic with emotions here.

And! For goodness sake people. Please stop saying that I'm old. Yes, I may be older than some of you, BUT.. Call me Jeff korkor, I don't mind. But NOT old man alrights! I don't belong to the "man with a walking stick category". Do I?

Lastly, would like to thank all those that wished me.. You know who you are! Bryan, Jeslyn, Hui Juan, Hong Wei, Olivia, Michelle, Juliana, Shu Jia, Yu Ping, Zhi Hui, Wei Zong, Cecelia, Lin Feng, Rosanne, Wei Sing, Jun Wei, Andrew, Xing Yu, Gina, my papa mama. My colleagues. Hope I never missed out anyone ya. Be it advanced, on the dot, or belated. At least you guys remembered! Better than some stupid ass who remembers but just can't be bothered. Heartless! Forget it. Alrights, nothing special, but thank you ladies and gents.. :)

I'm 20 ! :)

".hangman."

2009-06-29T15:31:00.015+08:00

It's been 8 months.. And to my astonishment, it all ends tonight. With a blink of an eye, it's my last day in PMU. Had never expect myself to be leaving all my friends, that soon. No more grumbling about politics, management. No more grumbling about people being an ass. And no more laughter and jokes with all my buddies.. Not forgetting the food at the different stations. Guess we all have to move on in life. Hopefully we still have time to meet up for the chill out sessions.. Definitely miss those days..

Bidded farewell with everyone, and went for a drink with my cliques. A bottle of Martell and Chivas. Everything was fine at first, until things starts to get out of hands. Being one of the youngest, and the one that drank most. I have to be constantly taking control of the situation. Nothing much for me to reveal. We left at 6, with Tony sending me home. And I've been suffering for a whole 16 hours of hangover. Collected 3 bags of puke which includes my two lunch and dinner. And hours after hours of discomfort. Regretted drinking so much. No more liquor for me. For the least 3 months. And I seem to be on the verge of hanging myself.. Now, I really need tonnes of rest..

I've come to the end of the road..
The unknown pave that follows, I walk alone..
My shadow's only one that walks beside me.
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating.
Sometimes I wish some one out there will find me.
Til then I walk alone..

".routine."

2009-06-26T17:12:00.009+08:00

Anxiety, to start my last cycle of work in PMU. The morning was never different. Until my mother woke up and told me, "when you come out from the lift, walk towards the left side.." Leaving me with a question mark, assuming that the MPH on the right is having a wake. I left home, took the lift, and walked to the staircase landing entrance on the left. When normally I would just walk under the HDB towards the right. To my surprise, I saw an FRC at the loading bay just 5m away from me. Thinking that it's just normal patrolling, I continued walking.. As soon as I exit the HDB, a pool of blood was right beneath my legs. The first thought that came to me was that it's just spilled paints. As my area is having repainting. But somehow something just seems wrong, as the NPCO exchange glaces with me. And what my mum told me.

As soon as I board my father's ride, I questioned. What happened ? And it turns out that somebody committed suicide at my block, just hours ago. And to think that I was just standing on that pool of blood just minutes ago.. And my mother actually gave me the wrong instruction. However, I never stepped on the blood that is. It was just a close shave..

Night out with family. Dinner at DianXiaoEr. Dessert at Coffee Club. Evening stroll at ECP.

".T09591."

2009-06-24T01:11:00.011+08:00

Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm permanant !
Sacrifices for the greater achievements.
Building stones for a better future..
Laughter for the latter, times to get serious.

Watched Transformers today ! And its too lengthy ! Not for my liking. Because my bladder will bust. Haha, just kidding.. After the movie we went to play L4D. Alright, I'm a virgin for this game. An hour of gaming, I can say. Not for me. Unrealistic is the thing. After the game, we went to chill at The Balcony. Never really intended to drink, but well. Just a little won't hurt?

Things are different now.
My life has derailed.
With a different perspective.
With tonnes of new things to learn.
I'm not at all excited.
While I'm starting to miss the days..

Been undergoing a decompression period for the longest time.
When will things starts to get better?

".rewind."

2009-06-21T21:44:00.005+08:00

Time..
For the minor changes.
That makes a major difference.
Hindrance..
Results for a major effort.
Which hopes for the least minor improvements.

".grip."

2009-06-18T12:10:00.014+08:00

Late at night, when all the world is sleeping.
I stayed up and made a wish.
Wishing for something that would never be mine.
Without knowing, faith just slips away..
Just like sand that would slip through my fingers.
As much as I tried to catch it, I watched helplessly.
Helplessly, I knew I was right..
But wrongfully, god doesn't play kind..
Looking at my hands,
It's the air that I'm holding..

".inexistence."

2009-06-13T23:12:00.006+08:00

Fiction ; Non-Fiction.
The different process, the different approach.
The different places, the different atmosphere.
The different setups, the different goals.
The different emotions, the different reasons.
The different persons, the different reliabilities.
The different endings that lies beneath it all.

Nothing is real, until it's gone..

".blues."

2009-06-08T19:37:00.013+08:00

So tired of feeling blue, such a heavy weight on me.
Trying to shake it off and make my way, to somewhere different..
Somewhere like "home", safe and sound with no one left to bring you down..
And here I am again staring at the end of what I'm made and who I am.
But all I can do, is use what's been given to me.
But none of it is easy.
Though I know it wasn't meant to be, I know its all up to me.
But what am I gonna do with my time?
All of the moments I didn't notice, which were gone in the blink of an eye.
All of the feelings I couldn't feel, no matter how I try.
If only I could give up with nothing left holding me down.
I'll just have to live like I'm dying, and never stop trying..

".Like a Child."

2009-06-01T22:36:00.015+08:00

Sometimes I wish i'm still young.
Like Ashton. Without all the worries, without all the fears.
With many people that dotes on you.

Ashton was at my place yesterday.
Busying with my stuff, out of nowhere he ran into my room and gave me a kiss.
That's so unlike him. Hahaha.

".skipalong."

2009-05-29T23:59:00.009+08:00

Why is the world so cruel to me?
When all, all I ever want to be is anything I'm not.
But oh, even though I'm happy being me.
I want to get away from all this harsh reality.

Gimme a break, a little escape.
I am so tired of being me.
I wanna be free, I wanna be new and different.
Anything I'm not, I'm not.

Skipalong..
Revel in hating what's going on..

".bill-ed."

2009-05-29T10:24:00.012+08:00

The best is yet to come.
But I've taken the path for the worst.
In my darkest state of mind.
I'm bridging the distance..
It'll be safer for me.
Indefinitely..

".voodoo dolls."

2009-05-27T21:49:00.020+08:00

And to think of a sentence that makes a person breaks its ties.
Don't make it though I would even be bothered.
In fact I couldn't care-less at the very least.
I'm used to people taking things for granted.
Rather, I'm used to people taking me for granted.
I'm fine with it as long as I'm being true to myself.
I don't wish to be wearing a mask making everything alright.
I ain't a samaritan. I'm just who I am.
Hate will find its way the way its meant to be.
Don't act like you're the boss and people have to angkat your balls.
I'm nothing, but that does not make you something.
I'm just disgusted by your immaturity.

Sometimes, some things, are not meant to be said.
Maybe I should stop faking and face the fact.
Evening at sis's.
Captivated by bro-in-law's Diamond 2.
Gosh, my Diamond is bearly one years old. =D

".a reason."

2009-05-26T02:40:00.008+08:00

Seamless thoughts.
Please go away..

".lost."

2009-05-23T01:11:00.007+08:00

Stupidly, it's been all.
Insistence, that I'm fine.
Pretendence, that everything's okay.
Unwillingly.. I'm done..

Who am I ? I've forgotten..
I'm too lost in you..

".simplication."

2009-05-20T19:35:00.009+08:00

Hehe.. Candid picture and its not supposed to be shown !
BUT.. Because I look stupid in it, I thought it might be able to make someone smile.
At least for that 5 seconds that you're smiling, my job's done.
Just hope that you'll be happy.
As simple as that. ッ

Sometimes I don't know what am I doing.
But well... I had a not so long, and not that short day.
Realised that I actually love to buy things, but hates shopping for my stuff.
A day out with Wei Sing.
Working tomorrow ! Thursday blues..
That's all for today. Something light eh..
Cause people are saying my blog too chim.

".conflict."

2009-05-19T01:35:00.019+08:00

Forgive and forget.
I'm not that noble to begin with.
Speaking without the back of your head, that's plain suicidal.
Petty as it may seem.
Put yourself in my shoe and you know why.

Why sound as though I'm at fault ?
Telling the truth and saving the ass of 3.
Rather than keeping quiet killing all 4 asses.
Why would I wanna jeopardise my own future?

On my way to avoid awkardness.
You're in the process of creating awareness.
If not for the friendship, I would long say goodbye.

I live my own life.
I don't need unnecessary comments about it..
Make me the bad guy, let this be the last.

".the beginnings.."

2009-05-17T11:33:00.012+08:00

I don't know, but I believe.
That some things, are meant to be.

As from previous entry, I yearn for a different approach.
That's for a better cause. But nevertheless, I still yearn for it.
But for a worser approach.
Agree that everyone have their own perspective.
But the same old worries is instilled within me.
Its something that I should smile for, but also something that I'm wary of.
Everything's coming down too fast and heavy.
It's just a simple lack of time, assurance and understanding.

When the credit rolls, it may all just be my wishful thinking, or just a simple, "think too much."
Destiny, is forever out of our control.
What's yours, eventually will be.
Time to get over it, adjacent to what I used to be. ッ

".crush."

2009-05-16T18:51:00.005+08:00

I've made it obvious.
But I never wanna make it show.
A simple denial that leads to deeper ignorance.
I'm a perfectionist that ain't perfect.
It's a barrier that leads to further dejection.
I looked forward to that day, but fear of rejections on the way.
I'm crushed.

".neverland."

2009-05-15T18:04:00.015+08:00

While in search of a beauty within the imperfections.
I was lost in a dream that seems a neverland.
If this turns out to be a dream, please don't wake me up.
It's a lovely mystery, and I never wanna find my way out.
Because you've stolen my heart, faster than a shooting star.

simple actions, little words.
thousands muscles, with just a smile. ッ

Tell me, am I dreaming?

".range."

2009-05-14T16:58:00.008+08:00

Everyone needs a stepping stone for all begins.
I'm no special.

One shot, even if it's impossible.
Compulsive at times, not sure yet about this time.
I hope I'm right. For once.

".Marina ²."

2009-05-13T11:28:00.031+08:00

Simple concept that comes with great effects.

Canon EOS 450D

".default."

2009-05-11T11:02:00.005+08:00

Was never the protagonist.
I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive.
I'm just out to find, the better part of me.

Restless heart syndrome.
Maybe it's the right thing, maybe it ain't.
I made it, time to face it.
Cruelty to oneself lies within the forgiveness of others.
I rest my case, Guilty.

".365."

2009-05-08T23:06:00.006+08:00

One more year to ORD !
07/05/2010. 365 Days.

In-Service for today. Circle Line Reconnaissance !
I can only say its just so interesting that I wanna turn a blind eye.

".custody."

2009-05-05T23:45:00.007+08:00

Okay, something light. Too tied up and tensed at work.
I don't know is it lucky, or the latter.
But still, it's a new experience for me.
Perhaps I'm just exaggerating it. But it's an accomplishment for me.
First, after 5 months in team.
Complains after complains to my colleague on work being "un-happening".
"And all of a sudden, here it is, take it, you wanted it."
I'm satisfied and dead beat. ッ

Alright, apart from that. A recruitment drive is up.
Submitted my name, going for interview(again?).
Result doesn't really bothers me.
I could be better furthering my studies.
Well, no harm trying..
Who knows? It might turn out unexpected.

".heal."

2009-05-04T21:53:00.005+08:00

Perfection comes only with improvements..
It just takes time..
Patience..

".chasing the daylight."

2009-05-02T01:26:00.005+08:00

On the rock, Baileys.

I want to chase the daylight,
Like it's the last day of my life.
I want to run, hide myself in the sun and feel all these fears melt away.
And I will never look back, no I will never look back.
I'm gonna live this life, Chasing the daylight.

".still alive."

2009-05-01T00:34:00.008+08:00

Am I supposed to live my life wearing a mask?
Or should I just take pride over everything.
Sometimes, given age doesn't exactly represents the level of maturity.
Time to wake up your(s) ideas.

Maybe its to my own discrepancy.
What's meant to be, eventually will.
There isn't a single necessity for being paranoid over issues in life.

"I can't life without....."

Please dump this ignorance piece of joke away.
Unless you are talking about O2 or dead to be talking about this anymore.
Maybe it's to my own dismay, my own disbeliefs.
But life's never to your commandment, take it, love it.

Perhaps life's has been a pinch of salt to me.

".permanent."

2009-04-28T19:28:00.006+08:00

Stories. 50 to 60.
Next up, 70.

Permanently shut.
At least for now. While it's been a long while.
No obligations.

".reborn."

2009-04-27T18:40:00.017+08:00

Exhilarations from the little sip of liquor.
The slow appreciation of the preferred addiction.
Nothing kills the little sober state of loneliness.

The smell of a new revolution.
I look upon these changes.
The simple lack of patience and motivation.
Let it roll, take it slow..

The tug of war between persistence and desistence.
Leave out all the rest, cause everything MUST change..

".home."

2009-04-25T11:30:00.012+08:00

They're back they're back !
And it's a warzone under the siege of dirty laundry.

Requested! (S$ -90/=)
Absolut Vanilla/Raspberry.
With my favourite Baileys Irish Cream.

Time for the new drugs.

Seaweed in A4 size. =O And the only souvenir I've got. A handphone chain, not talisman.

".suicide."

2009-04-20T21:12:00.003+08:00

Into a state of suicidal.. Overspending..
Sometimes I yearn for a different approach.

".take flight."

2009-04-18T23:25:00.003+08:00

Leaving on a jetplane. Seven days in Korea, Bon Voyage.
Empty room. Silent nights.. Just one. I hate this moment.

Public image. Not for today.

".first sight."

2009-04-16T19:12:00.006+08:00

Favoritism was never part of my game of monopoly. Rather be jeopardised than to get down on your pride. Making an effort is never enough. What's expected is moving further. Time for a search of motivation.

A destiny game. Rather, it's just a fairytale..

".evolution."

2009-04-14T13:23:00.005+08:00

Why the persistence when you aren't insisted? Why the same old flavor of drink when you can try the taste of others'? Somehow it ends up being retarded. It's all a joke to start of with. Time to get it done. One more year. Move along..

".facts."

2009-04-12T01:36:00.010+08:00

Unbelievable? Don't ask then.

You: Got girlfriend?
Me: Don't have.
You: SURE NOT!? Don't bluff lehs..

You: Got smoke?
Me: Nope.
You: SURE NOT!? You this kind don't smoke?
Me: WTF you mean by this kind?

You: Want go club?
Me: I don't club.
You: SURE NOT!? Don't lie lahs.
Me: Really, I never even go before.
You: Hell no! You this kind don't go club?
Me: Once again, wtf you mean by this kind?

You: You "beng" ah?
Me: No lahs. I where got "beng"?
You: Don't act lay, see your face, pai kia face.

So what does the facial appearance have in contrast with a person's character?
The depth of your mentally. Shallow.

".miяяors."

2009-04-07T19:52:00.016+08:00

Reflections

".05/04."

2009-04-05T00:26:00.002+08:00

Two gay in one small little flowery umbrella.

".0404 ~ NYNY."

2009-04-04T22:03:00.029+08:00

".gravity."

2009-03-30T19:33:00.031+08:00

That's how I felt right now.

Gravity

".²one."

2009-03-29T18:47:00.018+08:00

Back to ²one.
It's been 4 days..

".MBP2."

2009-03-28T21:47:00.011+08:00

First morning shift.. But somehow it seems as though I've been continuously working for a few cycle. Lucky enough, I got to do "papa". Saves me lots of energy while sparing me time to sleep in the petra. Opps! For your own discretion please. Hitch a ride from tony to Paya Labar before proceeding home. Got home a while before heading to my sis's.

I'm actually quite surprised by how Ashton react to his "BabyTV". And that's the ONLY time he can settle down. Other than that he'll be running around, pestering my father. While the end of the show was with the "monster" standing in a column waving goodbye. Ashton actually stood up and did exactly back to the "monster" in the TV. Laughing his way through.

How adorable. See him with your own eyes.

".ins."

2009-03-27T20:53:00.005+08:00

I hate in-service ! Which means, every month we have to go back on our off day once.. Do what? Basically nothing. Fatigue, PT, sleep, talk !

But today is a damn R(A) day for me. Seeing AV GUYS + threesome inside our lockers. Worst of all is guys with their clothes on. Endless laughter.

Was never a basketball player. But as per normal, soccer are all "mars bar". Can't help but play BBall with the "milky bars". Understandable? hmm.. I don't know what's wrong but playing with them is just like me playing bball in my primary school days.. Still, laugh and laugh and laugh.. Nothing serious, but only fun..

".flashing back."

2009-03-26T15:04:00.014+08:00

Then: 6th Dec 1990

Now: 22nd Feb 2009

".w/o a trace."

2009-03-25T23:58:00.019+08:00

i can't fight the tears that ain't mine..

Guess I'm dreaded..
In my throat are the thousands of questions I want to ask..
Perhaps I'd never know just what you sees.
For now, just let it be..

from helplessness, my cowardice crawls into the bottom of my consciousness mixture.

".age."

2009-03-24T11:29:00.002+08:00

"I'm still young, just 19"

Without fail, this sentence came out from my mouth every now and then..